My twin added these today to her website and I wanted to post them on mine..the world is happy today and for the most part so am I.

Strange as it may sound im sitting on my bed listening to the sound of the rain coming down, the dogs eating and my stomach growling yet these things are just that. I know I must sound weird but then no one stated I was a sane person. I have food beside me and I smell it but just get that nausaus feeling in my gut with out much notice that I haven’t eaten much at all today. But beside that it was a good quite day as Kayle was off with her best friend as usually the dogs were keeping me company until I went to the pool for a short while (its too damn hot to stay more than that) a short trip to Home depot and then home again after waiting to get by the one car accident on JTB. The rain out side that has just began to slow reminded me of the simple things in life that just start with silence. I don’t think I spoke to a soul today besides my dogs and it just makes me miss the grander things in life. I miss talking to people I miss hanging out with them I miss the simple yet joyful conversations. The dogs are the best listeners in the world but they don’t give me much in the way of the answers I have. Then as the day seeps by I usually find the answers on my own. Life is but an open door full of questions that only you have the answers for. Rain is something that gives life to the grass, trees and flowers without asking for anything in return. Dogs are happiest and content to lay next to you just waking enough everyonce in a while to make sure your there and happy with them beside you, though a few petting of the back helps to reinforce it. Kids are there to remind you no matter what happens in life you did one thing right. Friends will come Friends will leave but the few best friends you have are there no matter time nor space put between them. Family is blood and no matter how much you deny it they will always be there through the good and bad and rarely judge you on either. Ok my mind went blank so I’ll go now till another moment of inspiration hits me o my daughter comes home and i can reem her for the 40 something downloads last month that she charge on our cell phone account…makes me smile… ;0 goodnight all

People may seem to have a ton of friends, but to me I have to disagree. How many of those friends will be there in your time of need your time of want or your time of silence. True friends are the ones that don’t questions the motives in your life but support you regardless if they agree with your decisions or not. The past several months I have tested this account for reasons beyond explanation. For those that know me know I hold things in hoping that the either go away or I make plans to deal with them at a later time. Well until my life came crashing down a couple of months ago I never realized just how much holding in actually hurts in the long run of life. At the lowest time in my life I tried my hardest to keep everyone family friends and my daughter out of my life as I felt I didn’t deserve nor needed them in it. Though time has passed by I realize that two friends stood out amongest the rest and I never took the time to thank or appricate them as they should have been. To that point I hope they know that in my life now they mean more to me than even my own family. There are things in this life that I can only tell them and no one else.

I may not be 100% but I try hard every day to accept the things I can not change, Love the ones that are close to me and make plans for the future. I know I have my moments when life hits hard and nights I just can’t sleep through but thinking about the things I would leave behind are worse than taking the easy way out. So to my so few true friends out there I love you more than I could ever express and will not ever know how to repay the kindness and generoisty you have shown me the years I have been blessed to have you in my life. As one friend said, throughout the years even if a day, week or month passes by without a word we can always pick up like time stood still. I hope even with my up coming move that still holds true. xoxo

Family is a funny word for me. I consider my family to be small to say the least. This week has proven so. My daughter has cried twice this week over the fact we have such a small family that she misses the ones no longer here and doesn’t know why we are like that. How does one explain to a nine year old that life works in strange ways. Even explaining the move towards family hasn’t helped much at all. It saddens me to no end. My sisters have been there for me lately I will say unexpectedly crying over an email or two to both sisters has not only helped me financially but emotionally. I know my rollar coaster is still on a low point but faith in my small family and friends have pushed me through my personal darkness in more than one way. I want to thank those around me that not only listen but hear what I am saying and push me to get out more.

So  I figured out that I complicate myself more than I need to. Life is rough as is but I make my personal life a hurricane. Go figure. Hurricanes in one way are a good thing they allow us to wipe the slate clean once passed but its like crap while coming through. My slate is pretty clean as of lately at least in my mind. My love life is a complete wrecking ball. I don’t allow my self to have the opposite sex into my life without screwing it up one way or another.  Why you may ask because it’s what I’ve done all my life so use to pushing men out instead of trusting one to come into my life. This is something I have promised myself to work on and probably take sometime to get everything worked out but at least I will try. Ok well since it is only 8am on a Sunday morning and I was up till 4am of it I need to try and sleep a little more. Wish me luck.. Good night should I say Good morning.

So I have realized the past couple of days that I truely do not understand the opposite sex. I for one have been so guarded most of my adult like that I don’t let men in so easily. Apparently i have been correct in doing so. I this past week spent time with someone whom I connected immediatly with at least I thought. Most say that you can not meet someone at a club but as two of my best friends have I decided to try. I spent several hours on the phone with this person two nights in a row and then went on a wonderful first and last date with him. Him being only here on a short stop with his job. I thought that we had been placed together for a reason that we were both the babies of the family, we have similiar taste in music, life and everything in general. Well now he is gone and I have only talked to him briefly through short text. I guess my radar is broken when it comes to meeting someone that I felt had a nice connection with. I guess my mind will stop overworking and try to enjoy the memories as distance is a bitch when meeting someone. At least it was fun while it lasted and I hope in the future to run into him or someone so similar that it places the grin on my face that I hadn’t seen in a very long time. That’s all for now…

So lying in my bed for most of the weekend has made me realize I don’t get out enough. I did go to the mall and found little to no enjoyment, I dropped my daughter off to the grandparents. It made for an even more quite night. Not a bad thing in most people’s mind but it made me feel lonely, hurt and in dismay. I begin to wonder why my life has felt to stop even though its mainly my fault. I don’t find the zest in life much lately. I am content lying in bed listening to a book, watching t.v. or a movie. I haven’t even seen a new movie in like three weeks which those that know me are shocked now. I did go out with an old friend Saturday night and had fun considering I broke my rules of no flip flops to a club but then it was Monkey’s Uncle and I did have a skirt on with a cute t-shirt creation so I guess it equals out. Then I woke up Sunday and for the life of me can not figure out why my right side neck hurts so bad. It’s not like I slept on it funny because I did not. It just hurts to the touch. Go figure. Ok I’m rambling on, I am counting down to summer time for better things to flow my way. Deep breath and Im off to finish the day at work.

Ok so my Saturday started out really well or so I would think. I enjoyed the morning lying in bed listening to a book as I usually do.  I got my new mp3 player as my last one broke. I then headed off to Gabbies first birthday at 2pm. Needless to say I would not reach my home again until 3am.

Innocent enough I ended up for a girls night out that included a hooca lounge, Wild Bills Saloon off of talleyrand, then to a strip club. It was an interesting night so to speak. As a good girl my clothes stayed on I only had two shots and a couple of beers. But then I couldn’t find my drivers license and or check card. As my gas tank was on E (light on) and I was off Normandy Blvd. By the time I made my way back to Ortega I still had gas and found my Check card to get some gas. With Kayle back in my car and my thoughts of sleeping in my own bed I was content.

I can say nights like that remind me of my missing youth and honestly can’t wait for another one. hehehe